Dear Lydia,
It’s been almost a week since we have left each other & I just want you to know that you truly haven’t left me. You are still right here. The moment I pulled away from you in that parking lot I thought to myself “I’m making a mistake. I just didn’t want our journey to end.” I’ve thought of you a lot since that moment. I can’t help it. I thought about you a lot prior to meeting on a dock in Frisco too. Sometimes life just can’t be described so I’ll do my best in this to explain what it has meant to me. I’ve thought a lot about the most magical times I have ever had. It felt like a dream. It was a dream. It was better then the best dream I could I ever dream.
Before I get into our incredibly special time that we just spent in Colorado I want to start from the beginning.
I walked in and sat down at the bar.
I remember hearing this voice that had this tone to it. You said “Hey Ryan.” But you said it in a way that I can’t ever forget. At first it was your voice. This beautiful, soulful, positive, original and amazing voice. Then I thought. Who is this woman? Then we messed with xm radio. I told you about “The Highway” station. (Btw - One of the many foreshadows that I have felt with you. Looking back now it’s amazing to see how some of them totally created something special) We talked about Taos & Life & I have to tell you... I knew then what I know now too. That I was talking to a very special person. I remember you asked me if I was married and I said no and you said you were surprised. I remember that also being a moment. Like you said it in a way that felt like this biggest compliment. I thought to myself. What kind of girl says stuff like that in a tone like that? I kept thinking “How could I have not met this person yet.” Then I though “Omg - I am so happy to be talking to this woman right now.” To then “I can’t believe I’m talking to this woman right now.” It was just a conversation but to me it felt like it was something very different since the start. For that brief moment in time. What happened between us felt like “home”. It felt perfect. Time did more then stand still. Like you and I just instantly connected & we connected to one another. I could have sat there at that bar that night until 4 in the morning just listening to you. I departed & even that night when I walked away from you at the bar & I thought to myself “Why am I leaving. Stay. There is something special here.” Out of respect to you closing and clocking out - I continued on out the door... to Open Mic night where I sat down and had a nice ice beer pint thing poured over my head by a total stranger hahah - I got up - with my whole head and jacked drenched - & then jumped the back fence to my car where I drove 2 blocks home. I walked in that night knowing as a 300% fact - That I just met you. It felt like a movie. It could have been one.
I think Life is best when it does feel like a movie.
In the weeks that followed I simply could not forget what had happened that night. Meeting you. How It made me feel. How all I really wanted to do was pop back into Shoreline and find out more. But I didn’t. I’m respectful. Sometimes too respectful. Sometimes just the right amount. I kept thinking... this woman is a bartender. She probably gets hounded 250 times a day. I don’t want to be that guy. I am not that guy. I will never be that guy. So I simply truly just put my faith in God and carried along my way... knowing that The Universe had my back if it was true. I’m big on that. For yes beyond these words... there’s a little more to me & How I view & feel about the world and such. The Universe & Fate & Energy & What’s meant to be.
The same can be said about you.
This is what makes you you & why you are so special. ❤️
Then - some weeks later you wrote this comment under a post of mine on Facebook. I remember when I saw it feeling like “Thank you Universe.” “I love you Universe.” I had no idea we were friends on facebook but I’m so thankful & happy we were. Yes. I’m an artist. Yes I have a lot of people that know me and follow me online. Yes. It’s weird sometimes but also - Yes - It’s not weird sometimes. I’m an artist. That’s just how it goes. Tis be a part of the world we live in these days. You said one of the most beautiful & poignant things anybody has ever said to me. This seems to be a thing you do. You did it to me that first night we met at Shore. Beautiful things. Amazing things. Things nobody has ever said to me. A lot of people say a lot of things to me but what you say always seems to be in this whole different category. A billion levels above anybody else & for that I feel incredibly Lucky - Incredibly honored - Incredibly thankful & Incredibly so many other great & wonderful things.
Then again....
I put my faith, hope, & deep love back into The Universe...
Something for this - Something for you. I just felt so right and content in doing that. It just felt like the most natural thing to do. Honestly - like nothing I ever felt before. Nothing ever felt so right before.
I now take it all as a sign that what I was doing was so right. That what I was believing in...That is was something Divine. Something of the cosmos. Of the deepest thing... because - it was so real. So pure. So true. This I do know now knowing the time we just had in Co.
I say all of that to say this.
When we found a way to meet in Frisco, Co in that Marina - Overlooking Everything I just felt like it was perfect. It could not have worked out in a better way. It just couldn’t.
Like I said. It felt like a movie the whole entire time. It actually felt better then one. Because it was better then one & in the days that followed I’m sure it’s safe for both of us to say - that Yes.... it was magic. In every sense of the word. I felt you - the whole entire time. Whenever I would touch you - My whole entire body would tingle - at times it was a lot of to take in - to feel - it was so powerful. The whole entire time & I’m still taking it all in.
I love holding you. I love touching you. I love just sitting there being with you. I love listening to you. I love watching you sail through the world in the way that you do.
But this. I wanted you to have this. Something where truth could live. Where my absolute truth could live. Where it could live out & live on this page. Nothing but the truth. My truth. Your truth. Our Truth. The truth of the times that we just shared together because to me - it was so special I just simply had to do something like this. I hope you don’t mind. I don’t haha :) - So many words but also - so many photographs for you to always have. These are your moments. Moments you & I shared together.
We met in Frisco where we walked to the end of a dock. We were then tucked into the arms of time together.
I remember the moments leading up to seeing you & then when I saw you... I still couldn’t believe it. It just felt so perfect. It felt better then perfect. I could have sat there on that dock again till 4 in the morning just listening to you talk about your hope & dreams. Just us. Surrounded by this incredible view in a place I’ve enjoyed every fall for the past 8 years or so. I’m glad the that I did & I’m glad that it was with you.
I remember things changing a little bit when we went up the street to grab our old fashioneds. Btw - I’m so glad you ordered one to start too. It was such a pleasure to share one with you at that moment. I just remember thinking how special you were. Obviously I’ve thought that about you this whole entire time but sitting there listening you talk about your travels I felt like I was beginning to learn more about the deeper you. Hearing your perspectives, thoughts, & views I just felt my respect and admiration grow and grow. I don’t think that has stopped since the moment I met you. I find that my respect and admiration for you keeps growing. Every single day. It was so much when I first met you - instantly - it just was. I didn’t even know you but I suddenly felt like I could talk about and tell you anything. Everything. Magically yes - It does seem to never stop. I respect & admire you so much. More then I think I could with anybody else in this world. It’s just this connection. My soul straight to yours. A one in a billion kind of thing. I truly do believe that. I think that’s why it led to us going to Aspen. Nothing else can explain it.
So that’s what we did. We decided to go to Aspen... to have the time of our lives. I think we both knew we were going to have an incredible time - but I don’t think we could have imagined just how much of a great time.... we really did embark on something special.
I’m just so thankful for following my intuition with you. I just don’t think it will ever lead us in a bad way. Our intuitions with one another. That’s the magic. Real Magic.
The moment we jumped in our cars and headed to I70 East this song randomly came on in my car. As I was driving I heard this melody that instantly grabbed me & then I started to hear the words and it was as if The Universe heard how I felt at that moment and played a song that completely embodied how I felt.
You’re an Angel.
Listen to the Lyrics. It’s a song that would play repeatedly in my head throughout the entire trip - including on my 16 hour straight drive back home. I listened to it like 50 times while never losing my love for it & what I just witnessed with you. I felt like it was also one of the many signs on the trip. Signs where I felt like there was this bigger force at play. A force that we both know & understand if we were to talk about it out loud. Something maybe not too many others actually could. There is no doubt that we both connect to & understand “that.” & there is no doubt that we connect to and understand one another.
So may this part start with you sitting down... hopefully with time on your side... to always just enjoy & to have what is on this page. Because it’s yours.
To me this song set the tone to everything perhaps maybe you can say the same is true for me - when you play and hear it for the first time & if you can... please just know how much I honor & respect that. I truly do. I know just how special it is because that’s just how I feel about you.
I remember looking at you while we hit the trails thinking to myself - just how much I love your spirit, your flare, your light. How much I love your thoughts, what guides you, what inspires you. Your soul, your athleticism, your drive. Your talent, your voice, your taste in Music. How you pushed me. How you were there. How you made me feel this way I really don’t think I have ever felt before. Like as if there was a mirror that shattered and what was left was nothing but my soul and I and somehow someway I felt like you truly knew and understood me for me how I felt like I knew and understood you for you.
I remember feeling so honored and proud to have been taking those steps with you. I knew I was on a once in a lifetime experience with you. I would come back to that whole “Universe” thing just knowing that it was all on our side that whole time. That life was going to give us this experience because it was ours. That we deserved to experience it. That we were both open to it & one another. I feel like it was a holy happening - God gave us - “Us” The 3 of Us. There. Where we were & What we did together. How we felt together. The moments we experienced together.
I just don’t think stuff like that happens all too often.
It was a shooting star cutting the dark night’s sky filled with wonder & awe.
Magic Dust. True Pure & Real Fucking Magic Dust.
& the truth is. I think that’s just what we are. Together we are magic. We are both magic individually for sure but together & with Iroh... Omg. It’s like we are all ancient warriors of the past. Like 300 years ago in Ireland we were real magic ones. The ones who invisbily saved all of mankind or something. It feels like you & I share something incredibly sacred. Something of timelessness.
Sacred. I like that word. Yes. I’ll say that what I feel with you is and forever shall be sacred. Truly Sacred. Something to respect. To be thankful for. To be born for. To honor. To feel. To know. To help make thrive into something deeper & even more special then it already is and forever know that sacred things are Divine.
Something of the Earth. Of the Soul. Of The Cosmos. Of The Sky. Of The Spring of The Conundrum. Of Something High. Something Real. Something True.
Divine.
I like that word too.
You are Divine.
What we did was Divine. It Truly Was.
I just wanted to say that what an amazing time I had. What is reflected above shall forever stand and as a true and real testament to that. I find myself feeling that I had the greatest week of my life with you. I've had quite a few amazing weeks in my life. Much more then anybody will ever know except you. Because you do know. I really can't describe it or maybe I can. I just feel so lucky to have experienced it with you. What we experienced together. I feel like it has truly changed my life. Powerful to say but I feel like it's so true. I stand here before you with all as all that I am.
I quickly realized how how special you really are. I found myself wanting to hear about everything. Everything about you and what you want out of life. Like I said earlier the signs.... there were many. Little confirmations that what was happening was a real thing. That you & I were 300% supposed to have done that. Again - I just feel so lucky to have shared that amazing experience.
When we passed that older couple - I would be lying if I didn't daydream that that could be us one day. I thought that was so beautiful of them to have taken that & where we both were saddened to hear that they didn't quite make it all the way...I'm sure we were both so proud to have seen them try.
When we were Aspen and we came across that incredibly cute family right outside the car and then again inside while we enjoyed our pizza together. I would be lying to you if I said my daydreaming didn't bring me to the future and the thoughts of us having kids together. I saw it. I don't know why - well I do know why - but you know how it goes. How the mind can do some things sometimes. To be honest I thought to myself... in some wild fantasy that if that it did happen that we could create some incredibly beautiful lil superheroes.
When you would play songs that were the same songs I would play too. When you didn't play songs that I would play but I instantly fell in love with them.
When we were in the the spring and I was rubbing you with the earth and rocks from the hot water below.
One of the most beautiful moments of my life. Doing that with you.
I prayed to the deepest most highest thing I possibly could while doing that. For your protection - your safety - your dreams - your life & your entire soul.
I felt like we could have moved the whole entire weight of the world in that moment.
I feel like we do.
I kept thinking how Aspen is never going to be the same. I also kept thinking how I totally could have just stayed there with you for months. No matter what happens in the future. I promise to always know how Divine Aspen really is. How divine you are.
Sunday night in Frisco while listing to Rising Appalachia I kept thinking in my head while I stood behind you watching that it was just a perfect time. How the energy of the show was of the same energy that we had been feeling all week. I kept thinking that this amazing woman in front of me was seriously going to change the world. How I felt like my world had changed all week. I dunno if that's the right way to describe what I felt but I did feel like we floating at this brand new level. I kept thinking about how strong you are. Your determination & how I just see you doing amazing things with your life. I kept thinking how I want to be a part of it. How I felt like I just met a soulmate in some wild and wonderful way. How we just had this amazing time together. I've thought about all the places that I have been myself and how I really want to show you them.
After we left each other I took a nice long walk around Frisco. I went into a cool lil bookstore for a while and started looking at "Van Life" - a couple of these really cool book with the world's greatest photography in them. I kept dreaming. I just sat there. With a tea just dreaming of you and I out there on the wide open road. I sept dreaming and seeing this vision so clearly of us living this incredible life experiencing more moments. I kept thinking if we can just meet up like that & experience this special kind of Magic in Aspen like that... what else could we do?
Honestly - after that thought I kept thinking how we could do anything. How we truly could. I don't feel like many things are impossible - but I do feel that absolutely nothing is impossible with you.
It's funny how these kinds of things can happen sometimes. Once in a lifetime - if you're lucky.
One thing is for sure. We are both so lucky to have had the experience that we just did. We are so lucky to know one another now. I feel like there is so much more to learn. I'm not quite sure what the future holds - but what I do know - is you'll always close to my soul.
These are our memories. Our Moments together. Something tells me - these won't be the only.
With 100 billion amazing adjectives to describe how wonderful and amazing you are
None are above two.
My love and my respect for you.
Ryan
PS. I may add to this. it's hard to just be done. I want it to forever live on. May we never forget the magic. Magic within us, Magic in us. Magic all around us. Iroh too. You already know this. He is so magic.
The Food. OMG. The Food. We had some amazing meals together. Always amazing.
My first job ever was in the back of a kitchen at 15 years old being a dishwasher. If I weren't an artist I would have been a chef or architect or something. I love food. The Culinary Arts. It truly is an art. I love food when traveling. I feel like we had some memorable meals. It was such a pleasure to just sit with you & enjoy the meals that we shared. I'll meal at The White House will forever go down as one of the most perfect meals I ever had. The experience of it. The memory of it. Just being there under the heat lamp downtown Aspen. Such a great place. Such a perfect meal. I loved it. I loved all of it. We didn't have a bad meal.... well haha maybe we did when we found ourselves trying to keep down stupid rice and peas and shit. Haha. Looking back now - that was so FUNNY!. But then omfg it felt like my life depended on it. Thanks for being on me to take just a lil more. You're amazing. Thank you. I thought about cooking together. I instantly started to imagine more meals that we would share. I imagined us cooking amazing things with one another. I want to cook for you. To me - that would be another dream. To just cook for you and Iroh.
I love him. At times I've felt like him. I've traveled half a million miles around America trying to capture it & experience it in my own lil ways. I also wanted to just add some things to this page that can act as inspiration. Things I thought about it on our trip or things that I think go hand in hand.
I remember thinking to myself that I felt like the were singing directly to us. To you. Their lyrics are just so amazing. I kept thinking that their music was your magic fairy dust. It was energy for you soul. I kept imagining you and the music and how both just went in hand. I felt like it was just what we needed. Hearing that music with you by my side was a very powerful thing. I loved us prior to the show too. I loved watching you get ready. You're so beautiful & free. I love it. We can't forget that burger too. Mmmmm.
I fucking love the ending of this song. That last couple minutes. Magic.
We'll have to watch a movie together sometime. One, two or 700 or something.
I also thought A LOT about what we were doing in Nature.
I thought about how our love Nature is a very important and powerful thing. I know how much I love Nature and I can feel how much you LOVE nature too and it turns me the fuck on. I thought how we could really do something special with nature. I thought about a lot of things! It was amazing. I want to explore and do more amazing things in Nature with you. I think we could do something special together.